Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart! (Confucius)

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Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use. - - Emily Post

RWE Tip # 8 - Get Invited Again (August 2008)

If you receive an invitation to a party, celebration, or event and cannot attend, be up front and honest.  We all keep busy schedules, and it's not possible to attend every event.  The main point is to RSVP as soon as you receive your invitation.  The same rule applies if the invitation states "Regrets Only".  Hosts need time to plan accordingly.

What's the difference between RSVP and Regrets Only?  RSVP is the traditional formal request for response to let your host know if you will be attending the event or not.  Regrets Only is the formal request for response to your host only if you plan NOT to attend.  The latter form of request for response works well for a host who has a high confidence in the attendance of guests and wants to process exceptions rather than a majority.

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RWE Tip # 7 - Men Behaving Badly - A Woman's Point of View (April 2008)

You would think that people our age would know better when it comes to professional conduct in a business situation.  Well, I'll stand up and say it - - there are a lot of people who are seriously lacking in decorum, particularly those who behave badly by making inappropriate remarks in business settings.

If you're a woman (or for that matter, anyone) who is fed up with inappropriate behavior, I know first hand that you can take action with perfectly timed silence and discrete confrontation to achieve a positive outcome.

I've been on the receiving end of business men behaving badly, usually in their power play to prove dominance.  But here's the deal, none of these men were ever repeat offenders with me.  Because I consistently ignored their bad behavior and acknowledged only good behavior in the company of others, and quietly set things straight one-on-one when necessary, these men learned to curb their bad behavior around me.  The key is to never embarrass them (or anyone) in public, just take them aside and quietly (but firmly) square things mono e mono.

For more details on how to deal with bad behavior, read "Your Boss is a Monkey" from Fast Company Magazine.

By the way:  Most of the time, these men were treating me like "one of the guys".  If you're a trusted alpha female this means they've accepted you, if you're a beta female they're stomping all over you.  But, it was up to me to set the boundaries and the game rules - - so I did.  Check out Chris Flett's book "What Men Don't Tell Women About Business" (for the male's point of view) on my FAB Stuff resource page.

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RWE Tip #6 - Always Maintain Your Composure (January 2008)

No matter how well prepared you think you are, you never know what life will throw your way.  Many times how you respond to what happens to you is more important than what actually happened to you.  Here's why . . .

Losing your composure (or your temper) when things don't go your way rarely results in a positive outcome.  You can usually get more action through the words you choose to use rather than the volume at which you speak them.  Choosing your words wisely before speaking and remaining calm is a more effective way to respond, particularly in the workplace.

What this all boils down to is this - - when things are not going as planned, always maintain your composure.  How you respond will speak volumes about your ability to handle pressure and stress.  By maintaining your composure, you'll be able to think more clearly, others are more likely to listen to you, and a solution will probably come to you much sooner.

Remember, losing your composure is inappropriate and will only make things worse.  You'll find it very difficult to be positive without your composure in tact, however, you can choose your response.  And, sometimes the best response is no response at all. 

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RWE Tip #5 - The Company Party is not a Party (December 2007)

The company or business holiday party can provide you opportunities to strengthen your relationships with coworkers or colleagues. It's also the time for you to act as if your behavior is being observed every minute, because it is.

You can still have a good time without being constantly on guard if you follow a few key pieces of advice:

Your attendance matters.  Even if you're not required to attend, your absence will be noticed.  Being a "no show" shows you're not interested.  Of course, if you're absolutely unable to attend, use your good manners by giving your regrets (i.e. letting the host/hostess/coordinator know you will not be attending).

Can't decide what to wear?  Think business event, not social event.  Remember, you're a professional so dress like one.  Unless it's the company picnic, do not wear jeans, tank tops, shorts, or anything so shocking that your attire becomes the topic of conversation (back at the office and for many parties to come).

If alcohol is served, think before you drink.  If you get wasted, you're throwing away a valuable opportunity to demonstrate your self-control.  You don't have to apologize for not drinking, but you do have to apologize if you get drunk.

It's a mixer, so get moving.  A social event is the time for socializing and mixing with others.  Don't spend all of your time huddled with your friends.  Move around the room and introduce yourself to people you don't know.

Keep the conversation light.  Talk about your work problems when you're back at work.  A party is the time for festive and light conversation.  You don't want to be a "downer" so keep your perspective positive.  By all means be animated and engaged, but don't raise your voice or lose your temper.  Again, make sure you're not the topic of conversation back at the office.

Don't know if you should bring a casual date?  Maybe the answer is "Don't".  If you're invited to bring a guest, it doesn't mean you have to.  And, arriving without a guest will not reflect negatively on you.  But if you do decide to bring one, like it or not you are responsible for your date.  So, if your date gets drunk or acts inappropriately, it will reflect negatively on you.

Don't leave without saying thank you.  Your host/hostess will remember who said hello and good-bye.  Make sure you do both.  When you're ready to leave, seek out the host/hostess and say good-bye and thank you.

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RWE Tip # 4 - Network to Give (November 2007)

Networking doesn't have to be difficult or feel like pulling teeth. It doesn't have to be complicated or feel like work at all. It can come from the things you do in your normal day to day life . . .

Many people are networking without even knowing. Keeping in touch with family, friends, and colleagues. Starting conversations with people you meet while waiting in line. Spending time on the internet, instant messaging, and using message boards. These are all forms of networking. . .

While some people are proud of how large their networks are, it's not about the number of people in your network, it's the number of people who matter to you that counts.  Building genuine relationships with the people who matter in your (professional/personal) life will result in the "best" possible network you could have.  Rather than being concerned about what you can get from your network, focus on what you can give.

You'll notice that the more you give, the more you will get.  Give your time rather than your money.  Give your ideas or information rather than gifts.  Stay in touch, follow up, and give your best to develop meaningful relationships.

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RWE Tip # 3 - Turn Off Your Cell Phone! (October 2007)

We've all experienced a pivotal moment when all eyes and ears were on the person being honored, remembered, memorialized, celebrated and then it happens - - the moment is abruptly interrupted by the sound of a ringing cell phone. And, it doesn't stop there - - as the person frantically reaches to turn it off (or worse yet, take the call), others search through their pockets or handbags to make sure their phone is turned off. But it's too late, the moment has already been ruined.

It only takes one person, one phone, and one second to alter the tone of a meaningful experience. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. How would you feel if you were right in the moment with your audience or conversation, and the mood was lost forever because of the distraction caused by a ringing cell phone?

And, what if the moment for you was a job interview?

Bringing a cell phone to a job interview can prove disastrous - - - according to a poll conducted by vault.com, "86% of employers said they would automatically reject an otherwise qualified candidate who accepted a phone call during an interview".

Are you letting your cell phone control your every move?  Are you that fearful of missing a call?  Do you want to increase your chances for success, and decrease your chances of embarrassment?

Think about it . . . and then, turn off your cell phone!

BTW, it doesn't matter what your phone ring tone sounds like - - cute, hip, or traditional . . . it won't make the disruption any easier to take or dismiss.

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Last modified: 08/18/08